C.A.T.
March 19, 2009 - Congressional Aptitude at All Time Low
The 111th Congress was informed of sobering news today, when it was revealed that greater than 50% (256 of 435) of the House had failed its bi-yearly entrance examination. Although House rules dictate that passing the test is not mandatory for re-election, more concern was raised when they promptly voted to impose a 90% tax on $160 million in AIG bonuses Congress had approved only last month as part of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act. When asked about the irony of needing to act against legistlation they wrote and failed to vet, Ways and Means Chairman Charlie Rangel (D-N.Y.) said "No one back home is asking about the conference report, They are asking are these people going to take these bonuses the taxpayers paid for." When asked why he or his constituents back home would possibly care about what the actual taxpayers will pay for, Rangel responded 'Kiss my elbow!'.
Next Story is Continued Below
No Hope Today
March 5, 2009 - Dow Closes at 6594.44
While the stock market continues it's downward death spiral, our President meets with the highly regarded mind of Brad Pitt. With no answers, White House spokesdope Robert Gibbs quickly posts a sign to cancel the daily press conference and attends the White House all-staff meeting. Pitt's seminar ensues, entitled "Lesson's from La La Land". Q&A follows: Obama: "Did Benjamin Button learn anything during the Great Depression that might be helpful for today's economy?"; Geithner: "Do the guy's from Ocean's 13 know where we can steal 11 trillion dollars from?"; Biden: "Brad, do you like movies about gladiators?"
